Grifter children

The sad, tragic tales of men getting effed by the Family Court put me in mind of the plight of a good friend of mine.  Christie Blatchford has written a number of columns in The National Post about fathers who simply want to share in their children's lives, but have to fight bitter, vindictive and greedy mothers who want to prevent even simple access at all costs.

And I do mean "all costs". 

This friend went through hell and back trying to get joint custody of his two children in the early eighties, but his ex wanted to bar access at every turn.  She had announced a year earlier that she no longer wanted to be his wife yet kept his name and wanted money.  A lot of it.  My friend and his new wife spent thousands on lawyers and psychologists which surprisingly actually paid off because his ex's unreasonable intransigence eventually won him custody.  "I have confidence the father will grant access, but I do not have the same confidence in the mother," wrote the psychologist in his report.  So, my friend was awarded custody -- a miracle 35 years ago.  Sadly, most fathers still get the finger while being ordered to fork over thousands in alimony and support.

What's really sad in my friend's case is how his children have turned out.  After a number of years, both eventually sided with the mother because her family money swayed them.  His daughter, who appeared to be on the right path, morphed into her mother when she married and had children.  Happily, she finally got a job and her self esteem returned.  He maintains a good relationship with her and also has one with his grandchildren.

It's his son who is the problem. 

Now 44 years old, this son is a mercenary, siding with whichever parent writes the cheques.  My friend and his wife have supported this son to the tune of thousands and thousands over many years.  They paid his rent, filled his fridge, paid for trips to visit relatives in Europe and covered hundreds of restaurant bills -- while never being repaid.  Ever.  Unable to keep a job (at this point he has been out-of-work for 18 months), this man puts the touch on his father whenever he runs out of money -- which is all the time.  The latest sling to hit this abused and beleaguered father was a call for yet more money to cover yet another month's rent.  Working up to the demand, the son called the father on many occasions just before the first of the month, flattering him in advance of the demand.  My friend's wife, knowing the first of March was approaching and knowing the son had no job and no money, told me she was just waiting for the rent demand.

It came. 

"Hey Dad, it's me.  I have decided to move in with my girlfriend (she's effed), but I need the last month's rent.  Can you bridge me?" he asked.  Bridge me!?!?  From what to what, his wife thought?  From nothing to more nothing?!  And here's the rub, he will not give up chain-smoking and hard drinking to save money.  Asking for money when you're blowing what little you have?  Please. 

For the first time since I have known this guy, my friend said no.  And guess what?  He hasn't heard from this grifter and ingrate son for six weeks.

So, to all you fathers in family court I say, "You may win a battle here and there, but you can still lose the war."