A stabbing

She skewered the red pepper with her fork and brought it aggressively to her mouth.  Then she proceeded to eat it in bites off the fork with her elbow planted on the table.  And this was in a very respectable private club.  Sorry, but table manners are important to me.  Here in Calgary?  Not so much. 

The other night I was seated beside another knuckle-dragger who waved his utensils around wildly while talking, stabbing his food with whichever weapon most handy.  I kept wondering when I would have food slapped upon me as he gesticulated?!  Does this make me a snob?  Not really. 

Margaret Visser wrote a wonderful book entitled 'The Rituals of Dinner', in which she deliciously describes the evolution of table manners.  Given to me for Christmas in 1997 by B, the book rambles intriguingly through what they are and why they were invented.  Says Visser:

"This book is a commentary on the manifold meanings of the rituals of dinner; it is about  how we eat and why we eat as we do.  Human beings work hard to supply themselves with food:  first we have to find it, cultivate it, hunt it, make long-term plans to transport and store it and keep struggling to secure regular supplies of it.  Next we buy it, carry it home and keep it until we are ready.  Then we prepare it, clean it, skin, chop, cook and dish it up.  Now comes the climax of all our efforts, the easiest part:  eating it.  And immediately we start to cloak the proceedings with a system of rules.

"We insist on special places and times for eating, on specific equipment, on stylized decoration, on predictable sequence among the foods eaten, on limitation of movement and on bodily propriety.  In other words, we turn the consumption of food, a biological necessity, into a carefully cultured phenomenon."

She also talks about talking and eating -- a hard act to bring off.  "We must talk as we eat -- it is rude not to -- but never open our mouth if food is in it.  Nothing indicates a well-bred man more than a proper mode of eating his dinner.  A man may pass muster by dressing well and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation.  But if he is not perfectly au fait, dinner will betray him."

Yep, makes sense to me, Margaret.  Basically she says that table manners were invented to stop us from killing each other while we ate.  That woman stabbing her food today is lucky they exist.      

A little wild!

"You must have been a little wild, if you hung out with the Smith brothers," said the great Dennis Hull last evening.  We were at a fund-raiser for the Calgary Canucks hockey team and as usual, I was right in there shamelessly meeting the guest speaker and getting my photo taken with him.

Why not?  He gets well-paid to do these events and a more "gentlemanly" gentleman you could not meet.  And hilarious!  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  One of 12 kids from Ste Anne, Ontario, Dennis was the youngest of five boys and Bobby the eldest.  "I never slept alone until I got married," he said.  Brought the house down.  Except for his final year, he played for Chicago throughout his 14-year career, which ended in 1978.  The uncle of hockey great Brett Hull, Dennis quipped, "If I had made the kind of money Brett made ($18 million), I would have quit by Christmas my first year!"  Man, he was so funny.

"It's always nice to be introduced by a nobody," was his opening line.  He was a member of the highest-scoring line in the history of the Blackhawks and over his career scored 303 goals in more than 1,000 games.  Talking about one of his coaches, he said, "My coach said, 'Man, of all the millions of sperm from your father, you were the fastest?!'"  Lots of his remarks were vintage sixties -- something B and I completely related to.  Come to think of it, I bet we were the oldest people in the audience, B being three years older than Dennis.

He and B talked about B's several run-ins with the legendary Bobby in his heyday -- mostly in bars in Toronto back in the day.  Bobby was always swarmed by women.  Have you seen pictures of Bobby Hull at his peak?  Yeah, that's why.  Talking about Bobby's 600th goal, which Dennis assisted on, he said, "I could have scored it, but I gave it to that spoiled bastard." 

The "Smith brothers" refers to the late Brian, murdered by a madman in Ottawa in 1995, and Gary.  Both hockey stars, Brian was the one I dated in the late sixties.  We had a ball.

Dennis and me.

Got his autograph.

 

Some things don't add up..........

Thanks very much to Bob Geldof and Bono for the millions and millions they have raised for African dictators over the years.  And thanks very much to all the Western country patsies who have donated billions to that continent over many generations.  And for what?

"If you don't eat your dinner, think of all the starving children in Africa," my mother used to say.  "They wouldn't like this liver either," I always said to myself, as I sat obstinately in front of an awful morsel of grey leather at our dining table until 11 p.m., when I eventually admitted defeat and consumed it.  This only had to happen once, after which I never turned anything down on my plate.  I did the same with my children and step-children, who once asked if the cold casserole I served them for breakfast, after they had refused to eat it at dinner, could be warmed up.  "No.  This is not supposed to be pleasant," I replied.  They ate it and it never happened again. 

The fact that thousands and thousands of Africans are setting off in rickety boats to leave that sorry continent and dying is the reason I give nothing to Africa.  Westerners and celebrities have bilked the international public of millions of dollars, which have gone into the pockets of dictators with off-shore accounts.  I mean, if thousands will risk their lives to leave, what has the money everyone has  given that continent done?  How about nothing.  Same thing with Haiti.  Forget about it. 

Give your money to the Salvation Army, the only charity that actually gives money to those who need it. 
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And here we are again.  Perry Bellegarde, grand chief of the Assembly of First Nations, has panned the latest federal budget.  "It's a status-quo budget and I always say the status quo is not acceptable," he stated.  Hey buddy, the "status quo" is how the money is transferred to you.  It's how you continue to rake in $8.2 billion unaccountable dollars a year.  Obviously, you love the "status quo".  Dear me, the latest budget only gave natives an additional $40 million for the next five years to help natives achieve better educational outcomes for their children.  But it was rejected.  Really? 

The natives threw one of their own, Shawn Atleo, "under-the-bus-to-the-curb-arrow-in-the-heart" because Atleo actually wanted to negotiate with the federal government about the educational funding the federal government was offering.  This was when...wait for it.....I'm not kidding.....$1.25 billion was offered for core educational funding.  That money was rejected by the natives who said, "the deal put too much control in the hands of the Aboriginal Affairs Minister."  Last time I checked, all schools have to abide by provincial and federal standards.  What's the problem? 

Since when does anyone get anything for nothing?

Obviously, Canadian natives expect "Money for nothin' and their chicks for free".

I'm sick of it.
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And just for good measure, Armenians are once again protesting in Canadian streets about a "genocide" which apparently happened.........wait for it.............sit down please..........gather yourselves......100 years ago!  Really?  But wait a minute, maybe it was the Turks who were protesting about the Armenians?  I haven't really got the whole thing straight, because I actually consider myself a "Canadian".  One thing I am clear about is that Canadian-born children -- regardless of county-of-origin -- are being encouraged to continue this BS by parents WHO HAVE LIVED AND PROSPERED HERE FOR GENERATIONS! 

Can we not leave the past behind and get along?  I guess not.  Please. 

 
   

Can't fathom it

20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.  That's how many entire galaxies -- not just stars or planets -- exist in the visible universe, thanks to data sent from the Hubble Telescope, now celebrating its 25th anniversary in orbit around the solar system. 

How can anyone get his/her head around that figure??!!  I don't even know what comes after "trillion", let alone what that number is.  All the narrator said was, "It's 2, with 22 zeros after it."  Not only that, the expansion of the universe is speeding up, not slowing down as previously thought.  So, since that program aired on PBS, there must be a gazillion more universes "out there" in our 13.7 billion-year-old universe. 

It's all so unfathomable, which makes me wonder why I worry about whether my house needs dusting (always here on the Prairies), or my ironing is done.  Who cares?!

Remind me not to watch any more shows like that on PBS.   

A Brief History of B

Most people have no idea that B was born in India, both sides of his family having been there with The Raj for a couple of hundred years.  It's all very fascinating to me.  His kith and kin ran the government, the railways and were an integral part of both the Indian and British armies, as well as the Gurkhas.

Examining a photo of his great-grandfather, grandfather and uncle, we wondered about the medal great-grandfather Walsh was wearing?  Turns out it was the India Medal, awarded for military campaigns from 1895 to 1902.  In this photo, Walsh would have been a captain, posing with his sons George Walsh on the right (B's grandfather) and Jack on the left.  (I have to say that B looks like his great-grandfather, the guy standing, but B's son, Scott, looks like his great-grandfather.)  A member of the 8th King's Royal Irish Hussars, great-grandfather Walsh eventually rose to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, but sadly that's all we know about this ancestor and brave soldier.  Formed in Londonderry in 1693 as a Dragoon Regiment, the regiment was renamed in 1777 for George III as the 8th and became the Hussars in 1822.

The 8th King's Royal Irish Hussars was formed in Ireland after James II had been pushed out of Ireland by the men of Ulster, who had supported William of Orange.  What a history, but not much has changed in Northern Ireland. 

Here they are in all their ferocious and regal glory:

      

Call me old-fashioned.....

....but if my mother had ever found out I had been hanging out with five sailors in an all-male barracks she would have walloped and grounded me for, well.....forever.  Sexual assault is apparently what happened to a young woman who did just that at the Shearwater Barracks the other night -- or was it early morning?  "You're asking for it," jumps to mind.  And you are.  Women give off signals about what they do -- and don't -- want and that has never changed.  This also applies to clothing.  I am not a prude.  I enjoy being a woman and dressing well, but cut-off shorts and a halter top at 2 a.m. do not exude modesty. 

I'm not saying it was totally her fault (as all of you who chastise me for "blaming the victim"), but it kind'a was.  If you drink and party with a bunch of guys and then go back to their barracks with them all alone, what do you think they will do?  As far back as time immemorial, "boys will be boys" because at the end of an evening of drinking in a bar, it's all about sex.  Period, the end.        

The same question puzzles me about the 15-year-old native girl who sadly has just been taken off life-support, after having been pulverized by another kid in a parking garage in Winnipeg.  "WTF" was she doing in a parking garage in the middle of the night with a crazy teenage-boy?!  But what is completely galling is the mother is blaming "the system".  Why was that girl taken into care in the first place?  Because the mother was deemed incompetent.  And she blames "the system".  It is so appalling.

Hang your head in shame.  

    

Not Logical

Did the parents of two Muslim boys not know that Calgary's Webber Academy was non-denominational?  Of course they did.  So, why did they sue the school when it objected to their sons' praying twice a day on school property?  For money, in my view.     

The delusional Alberta Human Rights Commission fined the Academy $26,000 for "distress and loss of dignity" when the boys chose to pray on school property.  Please.   

It's just so stupid.  "A key pillar of our founding principles is that the school be a non-denominational environment in which children can thrive and focus on their academic success," said private school founder Neil Webber.  Indeed.  That's the point.  Don't send your kids to a non-denominational school if you want them to practice their religion while attending classes.

Disclosure:  I am a practicing Catholic, but had I chosen to send my children to a non-denominational school, I would certainly not have demanded a private room with a crucifix where my children might pray. 

"Allowing two of 900 students to pray behind closed doors for a period of five to 10 minutes is insignificant in the context of religious identity, affiliation or influence," said the misguided commission in a typically "Canadian" ruling. 

My friends, to allow religious practice in a private, non-denominational school is just the thin edge of a very scary wedge.            

Near drownings and celebrity sitings.........

"Excuse me, you seem to be having trouble swimming," I said to a young Chinese woman at the pool this morning, after I had finished my laps.  "Yes, I nearly drown!  I am trying to teach myself," she added.  Well, no.  You can't teach yourself to breathe in the water, something she could not manage, which was why she was drowning --not that the lifeguards noticed.  "Come with me to the kiddie pool and I will show you," I said.  She was dumbfounded.

So we went to the baby pool and I tried to show her how to breathe, in through the mouth and out through the nose.  But she couldn't get it!  Finally I said, "put on your goggles and watch me underwater, you'll see the bubbles."  She did and said, "Oh, bubbles!"  Yeah, you will never get water up your nose if you know how to breathe underwater.  After giving her a pair of earplugs, extras I had in my bag, I left her practicing her breathing.

I felt good about it and she was elated.

"I am in menopause and I'm only 49," said another woman I know in the locker room.  "I cry at the drop-of-a-hat," she added.  "Hey, get yourself on the estrogen patch," I advised. "It'll all be a bad memory."

Later, I bumped again into Tom Jackson, the native Canadian actor.  "Yes, I remember you," he said, as he shook my hand.  "We had our picture taken by the elevator."  I was dumbfounded he remembered, but I didn't have the nerve to ask for another.  Also forgot, for the second time, to tell him my great-grandmother was a Mohawk from the Tyendinaga Reserve at Desoronto, Ont.  Might have given me a tad of credibility.

He is such a charming gentleman.        

"Forked tongue"

That's what natives used to accuse the white man of, but things have definitely changed.  Perry Bellegarde, the latest grand chief of the Assembly of First Nations to take up the fight with Ottawa and the provinces, is warning of dire consequences if natives are not consulted more about the many energy projects currently on hold thanks to...well...native intransigence.

But wait a minute, wasn't poor old Shawn Atleo dumped because he wanted to consult with the government over educational reform?  Yeah, come to think of it, he was.  It's actually sad to see natives eat their own time and time again.  Nothing is more pressing than educational reform for native communities and that's what the federal government and Mr. Atleo were trying to do.  And just as pressing for all of Canada is to get our resources to world markets -- even though they have to pass over disputed (for hundreds of years, by the way) land to get there.  But native leaders just dig in on both files at every turn.  Why?  Because.  That's why.   

The latest boiled-over brouhaha is because the RCMP has released data which show that about 80% of murdered native women are done in by men in their own communities and family circles.  Why is this fact so "outrageous" to native leaders?  It's the same in any other race or culture.  Did the leaders think it was predominantly "white" men who were killing their women?  Yes, they probably did, but no, it's usually an intimate of the victim who pulls the trigger, wields the knife, or pummels with fists. 

"We demand an independent investigator to collect all information and data of missing and murdered indigenous women held by Statistics Canada and the RCMP," railed Bernice Martial, grand chief of treaty six.  She disputes the official figures.  Really?!  As a boss of mine used to say, "Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's made up."  

"We've studied this enough," said Aboriginal Affairs Minister Bernard Valcourt.  "Now is the time for action.  It's up to native leaders on reserves to get a handle on the problem." 

Amen. 

Wanna bet that's not going to happen?  Another file where "the government" will be to blame.         

Oh dear

If you're following the Masters, you have to read Cathal Kelly in The Globe and Mail.  He is the reason I now actually read the sports section -- any sports section.  "Weir claims that swinging a golf club isn't painful for him.  It's certainly painful for the rest of us.  He is suffering from the lingering effects of multiple elbow injuries and surgeries.  In order to be any good, he needs to keep his right arm straight through his shot.  He cannot," writes Kelly.

"Even though in my mind I want to keep it short, it just keeps bending," says Weir, again playing the game in his head.  "I might get that line carved on my tombstone," quips Kelly.  "By virtue of his win, Weir has a lifetime exemption to the Masters.  As long as he can crawl up to a tee, they can't stop him from playing.  He's damn close to paying to play golf, like the rest of us.  He's become one of those guys, the former champions who come here to have some fun, so their children and grandchildren can watch them walk the greatest course in the world.  The tourists."

"As a player, I'm going to keep playing," Weir said.  "That's my plan."  Sometimes the game has other plans.

The rules are for someone else

There she was, shaving her legs in the shower -- in spite of the signs.  "No shaving, no spitting, no urinating, no brushing teeth.....etc."  But these were for others -- obviously.  And then there is the woman who washes her underpants in the shower. 

I kid you not!

Another memorable moment occurred when a woman was.....wait for it.....clipping her toenails in the locker room!  I was appalled!  Where were the clippings flying??!!  The Crowfoot Y brings out so many of my worst traits -- or are they my best? 

Standards have gone the way of the dodo.  Extinct.     

Ball striking has been the problem

"It's not my game, it's more whether my elbow can hold up.  It's just ball-striking has been the tough part for me." 

You could not make that up.  Said by one-time Master's champion Mike Weir, it's proof positive that golfers are delusional.  Dwelling on the margins of the PGA Tour, Weir still thinks he "has it".  "I feel like if I get things in order, I can still compete at the highest level.  I still believe that in my head and it's just frustrating not to be able to translate it to my game yet."   Huh!!??

He actually believes that and said so.  Last time I checked, "ball striking" was key for a golfer.  No?  "It's not my game, it's more whether my elbow can hold up.  I just have a tough time striking the ball.  I get to the top of my swing, the arm breaks and then I extend it and that's where I start to get tightness and soreness all through that arm," explained Weir.  "I have to figure out a way to use my body to strike the ball more than my arm."  Huh!!??

But if golfers are delusional, tennis players are assh-les.  I don't think I've ever belonged to a tennis club whose members were not assh-les.  They think they can play better than they actually can and to top it all off, they are cheap. 

So, that's my take on two popular sports. 

By the way, this will be the last blog I post on facebook, so if you want to read it you will have to become a "follower".  I might change my mind, but lately there have been too many comments from non-followers that have annoyed me for the moment.  If you want to criticize, show your face.  So, bye-bye to many.           

15

That's the number of 40-something men I know and can easily recall who have never married and never had children.  There may be more, but that's the number B and I came up with chatting this morning.  What's scary is these are the same boys I and my friends raised.  What did we do wrong?  Why are they not married?  Why are they not reproducing? 

Obviously something effed up.  Someone should do a PhD thesis on it, or write a book, because these are middle-class, used-to-be-young men raised in relative privilege and who now have good jobs and prospects.  With the exception of two (brown and both doctors, by the way) these guys are all white.  What's with that??  Were they looking for perfection?  Did we, their predominately divorced parents, scare them off?  Were they insecure?  Did they suffer from superiority complexes?  Did they suffer from inferiority complexes?  Were we mothers too successful or too judgemental of the girlfriends they did bring home? (Guilty as charged on that one.) 

This will be a short blog because I have no clue???? 

More Ugly

Took a couple of pics from a magazine I was flipping through in a waiting room yesterday.  Talk about ugly.......!!!!!!

Wow!

Apparently, Samsung is developing a new WiFi technology that will service the many places where there is none.  It's called "WiFly" and will use pigeons as carriers.  Seriously, I was amazed when I heard this on CBC Radio the other day!  The plan is to implant a tiny chip into pigeons which will act as a transmitter people can plug into for service.  And because pigeons have hollow bones, they will be even more efficient carriers -- especially when they congregate in large numbers greatly increasing their density and power.

Why not, I said as I was driving back from Cochrane listening to this broadcast.  The other phenomenon under development is the seeding of clouds with scent as a form of advertisement to entice consumers to buy a product.  The technology is already in use in many supermarkets, where the scent of freshly-mowed grass, for example, is now being piped into produce departments in a number of chains.  Other areas of these supermarkets use other scents to encourage purchases and apparently it is working so well that sales of targeted products have skyrocketed.

Man, what's next!

Of course, all this is bogus, the interview went on to say.  April Fools!

But I actually bought it!  Duh.