Kiddie Porn

This is about kiddie porn, but I am in fact writing about a TV show called 'Toddlers and Tiaras'. It is beyond belief that parents would enter their babies -- yes babies -- in beauty pageants. As if watching a train wreck, I tuned in a while ago and was subjected to a spectacle of blatant child pornography. These babies, toddlers and young children are dressed in sexy outfits, plastered in sparkles and makeup and forced to perform obscene dance routines by their shreiking parents. They are fitted with prosthetic teeth, wigs and false eyelashes to enhance their five-year-old sex appeal. Sick beyond the beyond. Most babies are carried around the stage, completely confused, while exhausted toddlers lurch and stumble through their routines, usually wailing because their mothers are miming threatening gestures from the sidelines. These poor angels are well aware of the consequences of not performing for mummy, as we are taken backstage to witness the threats delivered by the mother and often the father. "You know what will happen if you don't go through your routine. We have discussed this many times Tamara/Samantha/Crystal/Sherry/Bobbie/Kelly (like you can "discuss" something with a one-year-old). You won't be able to get that new bike and mummy won't be able to pay the rent." These parents are doing this for $500 to $1,000. I kid you not. In one pathetic episode, the epilogue described how a featured pre-teen had died just weeks after the pageant, succumbing to cystic fibrosis. Oh yes, and we had just watched her mother pounding on her back so she could breathe just enough to get through the ordeal. She didn't win. What a great little life she must have had. No sports, no ordinary school, no regular friends. Just a sick mother dragging her from one tawdry motel to another.

How is this different from pimping your daughter? Clearly, it is not. One mother had the nerve to tell the camera that if people think it's pornographic, they are the sick ones. This in the face of her three-year-old shaking her "booty" and winking suggestively at the judges. If child pornography is illegal, then baby beauty pageants should be too. What a field day for pedophiles! By the way, most of the judges are men -- wink, wink, nudge, nudge. The mothers actually claim that they aren't forcing their children to do anything, that the babies "just love" performing. What else do these babies know? Most of the mothers are fat slobs and all used to be in pageants themselves -- I guess before they discovered krispy kreams and cheese burgers. Oh well, time to get the babies to take over as I settle into an evening of cokes, chips and icing.

An extension of this took the form of a movie we rented the other day. Called 'The September Issue', it was two hours of life at Vogue Magazine under the dictatorship of Anna Wintour, the barbaric demigod(ess) who edits it. It was scene after scene of homage to mainly hideous fashion hung on emaciated models ordered around by decadent photographers and greedy chain store owners. And all overseen by Anna, the perfect Killer-Bitch-from-Hell. Hidden behind dark sunglasses and popping in and out of chauffered limousines, Anna preys upon the weak and crushes the meek, working her evil day in and day out. To retain power, she kills perfectly good shoots for no apparent reason, flushing $50,000 or so , down the toilet. The beauty editor responsible is crushed, but Anna wins again. Hey, as a veteran of the business publishing industry, I am here to tell you that anyone can be a good editor if money is no object. Don't like that layout? Toss the publisher another. It was refreshing to meet the naturally husband-less Wintour's daughter who, while nonchalantly spooning yogurt, cast asunder the whole "ridiculous" world of fashion; she is studying to be a doctor. Smiling through gritted teeth, her mother was not amused. Don't get me wrong, I like to look good, but devoting every waking minute to whether a scarf should be red or chartreuse I will not do.

Comparing the whole thing to the fabulous women of the Olympics makes the point so many of us have devoted our lives to: raising women to be strong, confident achievers in sports and other healthy endeavours. Here's to our beautiful, wonderful daughters!