Three or four times a year.....

....we go to The Palliser Hotel downtown for lunch.  I love that place because of its old-world elegance and charm.  I also, now and then, love to put on the war paint, high heels and get dressed up.  It also reminds me of my EXPO '86 days, when I travelled all over Canada with a co-worker, who became -- and remains -- my best friend.  The antics up to which we got!  Some repeatable, others not so much.  Like the time in Vancouver, when we........oh dear, never mind! 

When in Calgary, we always stayed at The Palliser and hit the lobby bar.  I love lobby bars because they afford the best people-watching spots you'll ever come across.  Recently renovated, The Palliser is really gorgeous with its trompe l'oeil and gold columns everywhere. 

But you never know what kind of people will show up, which is part of its charm as well as not.  Sitting there, sipping a $20 vodka martini, I overheard a man complaining about his $12 beer.  Dressed in old jeans, worn shirt and with his gut hanging out, he complained, to no one in particular, "That's ridiculous!  Twelve bucks for a beer!"  Hey, buddy.  Don't go to The Palliser, go to a dive and order a draft.  Look around, how do you think this elegance is paid for?  Calgary could do with a lot fewer of these boor-types.

But what I really want to talk about is "Clipboard boy".  What a complete jerk.  If you have ever watched 'The Kids in the Hall', you will remember the character with all the cheap pens in a plastic pouch in his shirt pocket -- the guy who kept losing one and running around yelling, "My pen, my pen!"  Well, that's "Clipboard boy" at the Y.  He walks around the pool deck with his famous clipboard and an earpiece stuck in his ear, I guess in case the mayor or the premier need to get hold of him.  He sometimes leads the aquasize -- and I do mean "size" -- class and takes down everyone's name as they arrive.  You now have to sign up in advance -- for no reason -- and woe betide if you haven't!  "Clipboard boy" practically calls the police!  "I don't have you down here," he officiously frowns to some poor slob trying to flop into the water.  "Well, I'll let you take the class just this once, but you have to sign up in advance next time," he admonishes some two-ton Tessie. 

There is no point to this because anyone can take the class, so taking attendance is just another of "Clipboard boy's" made up duties.  As I am swimming laps in the only two lanes left open I hear, "Well, welcome everyone.  No, it's not Monday, it's Wednesday.  Can everyone hear me?  Yes, including those of us who don't want to.  How's the music?  Too loud?  Do you like this song?  Let's warm up with a little water-pushing, push, push that water.  For eff's sake!  I took an instant dislike of this boob the first time I laid eyes on him, with his special shoes and special shorts. 

Gawd!