Necromancy

I always read the obituaries. Either the stragglers of my friends' parents are dying, or they themselves are. Having missed a few compulsory funerals before I began the obit daily discipline, I know how upsetting it can be to bump into an old friend, ask about his or her parent, only to be told they had died a year or so ago. Always an awkward moment. Now I change my greeting, as I did the other day when I ran into a guy I had know for years and years -- someone whose mother I also really liked. "Do I dare ask how your mother is?"...was how I handled it. Amazingly, she was still going strong. So, that one worked out.

But alongside the death notices are always the "In Memoriam" messages. I devour these with morbid facination. Why do people write them? Do they think their loved one is up (or down) there reading the paper! Do they think The Citizen continues to deliver to their final resting place (there's another bizarre word, "resting")? Do they also follow the sports news from the beyond? What about their horoscope? I guess they don't really care about the food section, no point in trying out new recipes. But maybe there are kitchens on the other side of the veil? From the "In Memoriams" we know one thing: the dead read.

This hit me full on yesterday when I read one of the most macabre. It featured a large photo of a handsome man, he looked about 40. Apparently, he had died at 54 and this tribute was a Happy Birthday to him on his 80th! But the guy died 26 years ago! How could he be turning 80??!! Let me quote from the message:
"This is a very special day: Birthday number eighty, you know! We will bake a massive cake on a platter with huge candles and souls will gather round to make sure you blow out all the candles. So, happy birthday to you. The crowd wants you to do your thing. Tell your jokes the same old way and let their birthday wishes ring! All my love..........."

But the guy is dead! He isn't turning 80, he's dead. And since this has gone on for 26 years, I presume there have been many other "birthdays" celebrated in the ether. I still can't wrap my brain around that one. Is this person really going to bake a cake and have a party? All she is missing is the cadaver. (Started thinking about Norman Bates' leathery mother. Yuck.) Is this harmless ritual, or necromancy run amok? It may be a more extreme version of visiting the grave of a loved one on a birthday, but I think putting a notice in the paper is just a little weird.