What's in a name?

A lot.  Especially if you're name is something like mine, i.e., hyphenated and unique.  Google "Marley-Clarke" and you will find only three legitimate current varities:  B, his son and me (via marriage).  Everyone else who comes up is a hanger-on, a used-to-be or a wanna-be.

B, whose birth name it is, finds it quite offensive that third and fourth cousins have globbed onto it in spite of the fact they have other legal and legitimate names.  Problem is, some of them don't like their foreign-sounding name and so have gone with the elegant moniker of "Marley-Clarke".  Frankly, were I their father, a man very proud of his Eastern European heritage, I would not be pleased.  Strangely, he doesn't object, but the only male offspring entitled to the name strenuously does.  "Why are they besmirching our name?" he once said.  Because it's a classy name, I replied. 

The cousins who have divorced have gone back to their maiden names.  Fair enough, I guess -- unless they re-marry in which case they should take on the new husband's.  Or unless they're jerks and an embarrassment to the heritage.  (We all know who she is.)  However, the two of whom I speak are unlikely to re-hitch, so they carry their birth names.  But their children?  They should definitely drop it; one uses her birth and married names (the right choice), but the other has eschewed both her maiden and married names and adopted her mother's maiden name, "Marley-Clarke", to which she has no legal connection.  Why?  Because she feels like it.  In her case, B also strenuously objects because this one's a real embarrassment, the kind you have to block.  Idle and nosey.   

B once asked one of them why they had dropped their father's name?  One replied, "Well, my mother's birth name is better professionally."  Buddy, it's not your name in any way, shape or form.  You have one name, your birth name.  Period, the end.  And this from a guy who has no profession to speak of and bounces from one get-rich-quick, hare-brained, pillar-to-post-project-to-project scheme after another -- never getting his teeth into anything.  And speaking of his mother, this woman was born in India, but google her and she claims to have been born in London.  Really?  Because it sounds better than dirty-old India?  B is very proud of his British Colonial history and I find it fascinating to listen to the tales he tells of The Raj and life before Partition. 

B's ex, jobless and dependent on him, declared 38 years ago she didn't want to be "Mrs. Marley-Clarke" and kicked him out of the house.  What does she promptly do -- besides ask for and get outrageous sums of money?  Keep his name and does so to this day.  Frankly, I think during divorce, the husband should have to give permission for the ex to keep his name.  However, we are both very glad we no longer live in Ottawa because one would keep bumping into people who would ask if we were related?  Early days, I would try to explain, but finally just started saying, "No, no relation," which was true and shut down a lot of unnecessary blah-blah. 

As for me?  I have had many names.  My birth name, then my adopted name, then a married name and now "Marley-Clarke".  When I was about to re-marry B, it would never have occurred to me to call myself by my first-married or birth name -- let alone by my mother's maiden name!  Were I to have done, I would be "Nancy Stapledon".  Ridiculous.  I took on my husband's name and believe me, it can be a pain-in-the-a--.  People forever call you "Mrs. Clarke" or "Mrs. Marley" or presume you are a hyphenated/liberated type and that your maiden name is "Marley".  No.  And the only reason I have added my maiden name to my fb presence is so that people I knew in high school and university can find me if they want. 

See?  There's a lot in a name.  In my view people should stick to the rules.
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p.s.  I'd like to thank the relative who claims to be a writer (really?) and who routinely reads this and sends things along to those on the other side who need to read it.  (I know who you are, but won't mention your name in case you sue me -- the usual MO of your tribe.)