Counsellor to the lifeguards

Weirdly, that's what I appear to have become.  I can see them out of the corner of my eye as I approach the end of a length.  They are waiting to talk to me and if I don't do a kick turn and push off immediately, if I have to stop to have water or hit my goggles with anti-fog drops, I have to say hello. 

Today a young lady was waiting.  "Hi Nancy," she said.  "Hey sweetie, how is your summer going?" I replied.  Then it started.  This time, it was the wedding of a parent that was stressing her.  Apparently, her father is getting married to someone who has never had children and doesn't like his.  Oh.  "My sisters and I bought these lovely, formal outfits with shorts instead of skirts, but they're very wedding-appropriate," she told me.  So what's the problem?  She told me shorts were not appropriate for a wedding and doesn't want us to wear them, she announced.

Really.  "Are you in the wedding party?" I asked.  No, we're just guests.  Well, she can go eff herself, was my reaction.  "That's what I thought, but my Dad is going along with her," she replied.  "I gather your Dad is a doormat when it comes to this women."  Apparently, he is.  Bottom line on this dilemma was that I said she and her sisters absolutely had to wear the outfits they had already bought.  "She doesn't like you anyway, so it won't get worse," I observed.  "I want to see pictures of the wedding and you better be wearing those outfits," I concluded.

One thing I did caution her about was getting along down the road with the new stepmother.  "Just remember, your father will always side with her, so adapt."  She then told me that after her Dad had invited them to go skiing in Kelowna this past winter and they had actually bought their tickets, this b-tch uninvited them!  Standing in the water with my mouth agape, I asked her what she and her sisters did?  "We went anyway and skied on our own.  Good for you!

On another note, she told me how excited she was to be going to Montreal in September with a girlfriend.  "I've never been to Quebec or Montreal," she gushed.  Having been there hundreds of times over my life, I stepped in with a little fashion advice.  "One thing you have to do is lose those too-long, too-thick, fake eyelashes," I chanced.  "Really?  I get them done like this because they last longer and they're expensive," she explained.  "Forget that.  You can't go to Montreal looking like a clown with those obviously-fake lashes.  Montreal women have a certain style and those will not cut it," I said.  "You'll be marked as a Calgarian in seconds."  Oh!  Next time she has them done, she said she would get them cut back.   

Man, some days it's a wonder I get any laps in at all!  But having had two, two step and a b-tch for an ex, I do have a few clues on how to navigate the waters of blended families.  I also have a few tricks about looking your best, having been at the chore for a few years.  Hope I'm still around to give my granddaughter the same, blunt advice because her mother would never take one ounce from me. 

We'll see!