Finally brave enough

"Stand up against the wall because I can't see your teeth properly," said my orthodontist.  He then proceeded to press himself against me, with predictable consequences.  I was paralyzed with fear.  Terrified, I complied.  I was 12 years old.  He then put me back in the chair and allowed his hand to drop lower and lower on my chest until it was resting on my...........Again, terrified, I said and did nothing.

"Isn't Dr. 'Blank' handsome," said my mother when I joined her in the waiting room.  I was mute.  I certainly didn't tell her what had gone on because my treatments hadn't finished.  I had to go back and endure his assaults time and time again.  Did I know it was sexual assault?  No, but I did know it was wrong.  Did I tell anyone?  No.  I was afraid it had been my fault.  I was afraid my mother would be angry with me. 

That's the way it was back in the late fifties and early sixties.  Years later, I looked him up in the telephone directory.  Yep, he was still practicing.  How many other children had he assaulted?  I could not have been the only one!?  And yet, no one seems to have reported him.  In fact, he was a very prominent Ottawan, becoming commodore of a well-known yacht club, among other accolades. 

So, it's not unusual for assaults to go unreported, such as the Gomeshi victims chose to do. 

As to "date rape", it's also very common -- or was when I was an adolescent.  Happened to me on a blind date, with his parents sleeping in the same cottage.  In the morning, he and his mother laughed about it.  There's more outrage to this tale, but I won't go into the rest of the detail.  Years later, when I met the perpetrator at an elementary school function, I called him on it.  There he stood, chairing a meeting of the parents' council, lecturing all of us about how to be good and supportive parents.  I was dumbfounded!  "That's the guy who raped me," I said to B.  Whaaaaat?  We have no secrets, so I proceeded to re-introduce myself to the perpetrator and remind him publically of the incident in no uncertain terms, with B at my side.  He could not get away from me fast enough. 

Sexual assault is rampant.  Because of my experience, I always told my girls to tell me immediately if anyone, other than the doctor when I was in the room, ever touched them in their "private parts".  I am glad "Gomeshi-gate" has happened because it has allowed me to be brave enough to speak up.  I hope others do the same.

Happily, I did not dwell on these incidents and did not allow them to overtake or bring me down.  It was a choice I made and it has turned out to have been the right one.