Is he white?

That's what an East Indian woman I see regularly in the locker room asked when I told her my husband was born in Bombay.  We were talking about grandchildren and I mentioned I would be having them for the day the next day.  "Do you have them often?" she asked.  "God no.  I couldn't possibly manage that." 

I went on to say that I believed it was cultural.  "Many Chinese and East Indian grandparents seem to take their grandkids all day every day and it's really cultural, in my view.  In Western culture we don't tend to do that."  She snapped.  "No, it's not cultural, it has nothing to do with culture.  People are people!" 

Whoa!  Telling her that my husband's (white) family -- all born in India and there for generations -- did everything together and lived within shouting distance, I added that when the patriarch moved to Montreal they all moved there.  And when he moved to Vancouver, they all moved there too.  B's grandfather used to call them "the tribes of Israel".  And of course it was cultural.  Did she think there was no such thing as culture?  But I had to add, "Let's be clear, I'm not talking race here, I'm talking culture."  That's what most people get wrong.  The minute you talk about "Chinese" people or "Indian" folk, you are accused of being racist.  That trap I will not permit and I call people on it. 

"Do you think the Indians polluted your husband's white culture?"  That's exactly what she said.  No point in talking to people with chips on their shoulders.  Think I'll steer clear of that one.