Letter from Bermuda, part V

"This is it, this is really it," said the woman sitting at the table next to mine Sunday after B and I had gone to Mass.  I was having a martini, while B was sunning himself by the pool.  With three skin cancers, I no longer take any sun.  Anyway, martinis are better. 

I stood up, walked over and we started chatting.  "Please join me," she invited.  So I did.  Thence began a two-hour conversation about....everything.  Turns out she was a family law attorney in Las Vegas.  Whoa!  What a place to be a family law attorney!  Ugliness personified, but she was charming.  What she could not get over -- I guess comparing it to "The Strip" -- was the beauty and charm of Bermuda.  The country is the absolute antithesis of Vegas. 

I told her all about B's ugly divorce.  Talking about many of her cases she said, "Some women are just narcissists."  You betcha.  Here's how Wikipedia describes narcissism:

"People diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy. Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR, include:
·         Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
·         Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
·         Envies others and believes others envy him/her
·         Is preoccupied with fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
·         Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
·         Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior and has unrealistic expectations of special treatment

"Other symptoms in addition to the ones defined by DSM-IV-TR include:  Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends, has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others, easily hurt or rejected, appears unemotional, and exaggerating special achievements and talents, setting unrealistic goals for himself/herself.  Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an over-inflated sense of self-importance, as well as dramatic, emotional behavior that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.

"Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others, when in reality they have a fragile self-esteem, cannot handle criticism, and often try to compensate for this inner fragility by belittling or disparaging others in an attempt to validate their own self-worth. Comments and criticisms about others are vicious from sufferers of NPD, in an attempt to boost their own poor self-esteem.

"Another narcissist symptom is a lack of empathy.  They are unable to relate, understand, and rationalize the feelings of others. Instead of behaving in a way that shows how they are feeling in the moment, they behave in the way that they feel they are expected to behave or what gives them the most attention."

Yeah, pretty much the case with the ex, to which anyone who's met her will attest. 

This lawyer was entranced with Bermuda, as is everyone who visits.  "Where are you from?" I had asked when we met.  "Las Vegas, born and raised," she replied.  I didn't think anyone was actually born in Las Vegas?!  Here's the best part, remember the movie 'Casino'?  Well, the Robert de Niro character was that of Lefty Rosenthal, the notorious mobster who lived there.  She told me she was on the same swim team as his daughters, as was the daughter of the FBI agent who shadowed Rosenthal!  She used to go to his house for play dates.  "He was never without a body guard," she told me.  "The only unauthentic part of the movie was when he went to his car and it blew up.  That would never have happened," she explained.  But the rest of the movie -- including the burying alive at the end -- all true. 

Facinating.