It's all about me

The Father's Day card I bought for B featured a lovely woman, reclining on a chaise lounge, arms behind her head, saying, "You're a perfect dad and a perfect husband.....so it's only fitting you should have a perfect wife."  Yep, that's about it.  He loved it.

By the way, I received a hilarious e-mail from "Dan at The Cutting Edge".  He was suitably chagrined and mortified about my awful haircut.  What a good writer he is.  I told him he should do a blog because who has more material than a hair stylist!  I mean, we tell these guys EVERYTHING.  I think I wrote about why, because they stand behind us, thus no direct eye contact -- sort of like the confessional.  But all Dan's clients would know about whom he was blogging -- or would they?  Superiorly perched in his chair, temporarily impervious to anything and everything, most women  are firmly convinced the world revolves around them and would probably never guess the "beeotch" about whom he was complaining was she.

Thought of you this morning in the pool, Dan.  Remember when we bumped into each other at the Plant Bath in Ottawa and watched that fat aquafit instructor leading a class from the pool deck?  Remember how she lumbered and boomed around, causing every bit of excess flesh to jiggle, jaggle and sway?  Remember I said, "Yeah, I'm gonna join that class 'cause I wanna look just like she does."  Hey, I'm here to lose weight, not gain it.  Remember how we both nearly drowned laughing?  Well, there's another just like her here at the Y.  It's a scream.  She's about 12 years old and weighs over 200 -- I swear.  She rumbles out on deck, knees taped, and starts the class.  All the women are in their 60s and 70s, but they look way better than she.  "If you have bad knees or hips like I do," she yells into the mike, "just move this way."  Hey, maybe the reason you have bad knees and hips at 12 is a direct result of the heft you've piled on top of them.

I asked one of the lifeguards if she were an employee.  "No she's a volunteer."  Well I would hope so.