Like clockwork, they show up 45 minutes before their class starts and take over one of the lanes -- usually the one I am swimming in. They are the bags of the pool who take an aquafit class -- well they don't actually do the actual aquafit, they just tread water in their life belts and hideous shower caps (I kid you not!), yak and ignore the instructor.
Fellow swimmer Diane and I just look at each other and roll our exasperated eyes. I switch lanes. These women, all in their 70s and 80s, are fat and rude. I mean, if you're old and ugly, why not at least try to be nice, I said to Diane the other day. But these dames have absolutely no compunction about hogging a lane dedicated to people who want to do laps. No siree. We're here and we do what we please.
"They've been told to use the small pool until the class starts," says Diane. "But they don't," I reply. "Of course not," she adds. They simply submerge like knarled walruses and take over. Pool etiquette? What's that? Can't bloody stand them.
The lifeguards all know what I think of them and laugh when they hit the deck. "Nancy, you need to get here earlier because I know how much they bug you," said one the other day. Yeah, yeah I know, but why should I have to? When I get old(er), just shoot me.
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Ahhh I remember it like it was yesterday, swimming in the lane beside you at Plante Rec Center watching all the boss old bags floating and gabbling away oblivious to any of the serious swimmers.
ReplyDelete"J' calls them "Tea Bags" because all they do is bob and float uncontrollably while the rest of us wreck ourselves trying not to bash into them. Remember when they were all enraptured by the blatantly out of shape aquabic instructor and your voice echoed throughout the pool area "Check that out! They're all trying to loose weight from someone who's fatter than any of them! You can't make that shit up!"
You killed it! I almost drowned.
I'm re-living it every day! I think I also added, "Gee Dan, I'm gonna take that class because I want to look exactly like that instructor does!" Yes, we both almost drowned.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it!!! Must be some toxic group mentality at work once they hit the water.
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